


A long goodbye

by LemurMonster



Series: The life of Kanin [6]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Injury, Emotional Baggage, M/M, Original Character Death(s), Pain and Loss, hints at schizophrenia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-10 16:34:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15953258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemurMonster/pseuds/LemurMonster
Summary: Kanin is always getting into trouble, what if she couldn't squirrel her way out? Here's a bit of her death and the things she feels need to be said.





	A long goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Overboss Danny belongs to the very talented and lovely [danithemani](https://archiveofourown.org/users/danithemani/pseuds/danithemani) Thank you for giving Kanin a family to love and love her back!

Everyone who cared always told her she'd get into trouble one day. She'd laugh at that thought, but she currently was too focused on keeping herself together. _Stop walking. She should sit. Rest._ Kanin shook her head at the voices arguing with her. _Rest! You cannot hold the blood within. It hurt. She's not listening. Broken. Stop walking!_ They were getting louder and more insistent, but her feet knew what she wanted at this moment. _She likes his smile. Warmth. She's so cold. Safe in his arms. He can't save her!_ “But he's my safe place.” Whispering to herself, they all quieted down, giving her a moment to breathe. _You won't make it…_ “Like hell I won't!” Kanin barked at the voice that doubted her, regretting her anger as pain shot through her like lightning. But they all quieted for now, giving her some peace and letting her gain focus.

Holding herself as tightly as she could, trying her best to keep all her blood from escaping. She could taste that familiar metallic tang in the back of her throat. Each breath harder than the last, each step heavier as she drew closer to Nuka Town. The stimpak she took earlier seems to not be making any difference. She keeps walking even though her whole being screams at her to lay down and rest. Leaving very dark footprints with each step she takes, a trail of her own blood leading to the place she's come to call home. Kanin slowed to a stop just inside the gates, feeling lighter than before.

She stands there, watching the few raiders that she's come to recognize, going about their daily lives. Laughing and telling stories about things they've done. _Where is he? She can't see him? She always sees him. But he's not here._ “Quiet please.” Her whisper barely audible, but the voices heard her loud and clear. Kanin takes a step forward and stumbles, quickly catching herself to keep from falling. She's too light yet heavy at the same time, it confuses her and she's not sure how to move anymore.

A familiar form walks from where she was headed, he's taller and darker than the man she was looking for, but makes her smile all the same. The moment his eyes see her his mood drastically changes, his eyes full of panic and his step quick to meet her. A lazy smile spreads along her lips, she's home, “Boss Bear.” The words not as joyous as they normally come out, but still a hint of happiness. Her Overboss reaches her just as she goes to attempt another step, catching her with his strong arms before she even had the chance to fall.

“Kay, you're covered in blood! What happened!” He easily picks her up into his arms, holding her close and wincing at her whimper. “Mackenzie will patch you up, you'll be okay.”

“No,” She forces out while still cringing at the pain burning through her body, “I need to see Sweet Cheeks.” Kanin moves her hands to hold onto Danny, feeling his warmth seep into her while her blood flows more freely from her wounds.

He's seen his fair share of dying soldiers in the war to know she's right, Mackenzie couldn't help her at this point. He glances at where she came from and is amazed at how her determination alone got her this far, she's lost so much blood already. Holding her tightly, he walks over to the nearest wall and carefully sits down, keeping Kanin held against his chest. “He'll be back soon, can you hold on until then Kay?”

The voices in her head have gone completely quiet, hers might not be long behind. She holds onto Danny with all the strength she can muster, looking up at him even though her eyes are tired and want to close, she smiles at him lovingly. He's her family, one she never thought she'd find, one she thought she didn't deserve. Her chest growing heavier with each breath, it's slowly becoming a struggle bring air in. “Boss Bear,” she softly speaks, trying to keep the blood from muffling her words.

“Shh, little one, save your words.” He can feel how cold she's gotten, wrapping his arms around her more in an attempt to keep her here.

The metallic taste in her mouth grows stronger with each breath. His embrace reminds her of the many times she's snuggled in his lap, feeling loved. Loved. “Gage loves you more than he knows how to say.” She takes in a harsh breath, feeling like she's swallowed daggers. “He loves you so much Danny, he's afraid to say it more.” Holding onto his shoulder, resting her heavy head against his chest. “Admitting it means it's something he can lose,” She takes a deep breath, “and he doesn't want to lose you.”

“Kay,” he starts to object her talking like this, but she shakes her head.

“I don't know who hurt you,” she takes a ragged breath, the blood coating her throat more, “or convinced you that you're not,” wincing at the pain that builds with, “but you're very handsome. You're a shiny bauble amongst a sea of rusty dull trinkets.” A smile tugs at her lips again, knowing how attractive many find him, she's even let her gaze linger longer than she should a time or twenty. Chucking quietly at her thought then quickly cringing at how bad it was to allow herself to laugh.

Kanin takes in a few ragged breaths, a rattle in her lungs seems to grow with each exhale. Sharp pain mingling with dull, coursing through every fiber of her being. Forcing her eyes open and gaining a bit of focus, she looks up into his green eyes, feeling his grip on her tighten. Family. “Some days we will find what we're looking for,” remembering her search for her parents, “or maybe not,” after a few years she gave up, they clearly didn't want her, “maybe we'll find something much greater than that.” A warm smile graced her lips at the memory of the moment she realized she'd found a family who loves her. Her eyes brim with tears at the happy feeling that gave her.

“...Kay…” He knows she's saying her goodbye, she should save it for Gage. His eyes tear up as well, his throat constricts. Leave it to her to find a way to smile while her life fades slowly from this world.

Her face shows nothing of pain, only the love she carries. Her breathing becoming more labored, blood slowly creeps down from the corner of her mouth. Slowly Kanin reaches up with all the strength she can muster, her blood stained fingers lightly graze his cheek, her thumb gently wipes away a tear that broke free from his eyes. “Thank you,” she croaks out, clearing her throat so that she can speak more, “Thank you for accepting me as part of your family.” He nods to her, wanting to argue and correct her, but knowing her time is precious. “I was in a dark place,” taking a rattled breath, “for so long. But you and Gage,” she closes her eyes and rests her head against him again, “are warm bright lights.”

He gently strokes her hair and keeps her head held against him. Her voice quieter, and still holding a hint of mirth, “Can you make Gage laugh at least once a day?” He gently squeezes her, knowing what she's saying. She takes as deep a breath that her broken body will allow, “He needs to feel loved, and his smile made everyday better. They don't even have to be good jokes.” Her chuckle turns into a wet cough.

“I will tell him the worst jokes.” He gently cradles her against him while she tries to stop her coughing.

She looks up into his eyes with her blue eyes, once bright and full of mischief, slowly dulling of their spark. Her smile small, but peaceful, the pain doesn't burn as brightly, her breathing more shallow. “I want you to be happy because you deserve it,” the memory of the first time she met Gage plays in her mind, “I want you to be happy,” she struggles to take in a breath, “because it makes him happy to see you,” she sees Gage's genuine smile that so few see, “the way you were meant to be.” She closes her eyes, stay tears trickle down her cheeks, mixing with her blood before they fall.

She closes her eyes and rests her head against his chest. Hey breathing becoming very difficult, she focuses on his heartbeat as hers slowly fades, listening to the calming rhythm. Staying close to him, she thinks of all the times she's gotten to laugh with Gage, her first friend, the man that means the world to her. After a moment her grip on him releases and she lets out a humored huff, on her breath the words sweet cheeks slip past her lips before she stops breathing. And for the first time since Danny has met her, she's still and quiet.

Danny cradles her closer to him, holding her as tightly as he can. Tears stream down his cheeks and he talks to the small body within his arms. He tells her how much he loves her, how much Gage loves her. How she's the one who could brighten a dark place, how her laughter could put a smile on even the grumpiest of faces. He sits there, still clutching onto her lifeless form. Telling her all the lame jokes that he knew only she could laugh at. Not wanting to let her go until the man she needed to see can say goodbye.

A few hours pass before Gage returns and finds Danny surrounded by blood and curled up around the small form. The Overboss is quietly taking to the person he holds, though his voice is broken. Fear grips at Gage's heart and he runs quickly over to them. Danny's face full of sorrow and pain, Gage falls to his knees and slowly looks at the lifeless body of his best friend. Full of questions, but they remain silent. Gage takes her from his Boss and holds her closely. Her face looks so peaceful, like she's having the best sleep she's ever gotten. He caresses her cheek before gathering her in his arms. Lightly kissing her forehead, “Darlin’ I'm sorry.” He breaks down and starts sobbing onto the tiny body in his arms. “I shoulda been there ta have yer back.”

They both sat there, Gage holding onto her while Danny held onto him. After some time, their sobs slowly faded. Gage stood up, keeping Kanin held close to his chest, he slowly walked out to give her a proper burial. Danny followed closely behind. They found a spot amongst some fever blossom plants. The flowers bright and vibrant, much like she was.

Everyday Gage would visit her and tell her some stupid joke he knows would have her in a fit of giggles. He'd sit there for sometime fiddling with the purple cat magnet she once clinked to his armor. Noticing everyday that the flowers bloomed more vibrant only where she was.

 


End file.
